This week has been lackluster in regards to running. I had a few setbacks that did not allow me to log the miles I wanted. I did participate in the Homeboy 5k last Saturday, but aside from that nothing significant. I may crank out a trail run today or tomorrow to try and close the week off strong.
Over the last two weeks I have been vey reflective about where I am and where I am going. I have been fortunate to be able to bounce ideas of intelligent people who gave me guidance, but no advice. One thing that has been turning in my head is age. I am 27 years old. This maybe a cliché or a stereotype; but being Hispanic and Catholic I should be married and possibly a grandfather by now, just kidding about the later. I know I do not want to be a family man at this point, at least not anymore, but in many ways I do think I am behind the curve. I am not a going out and drinking type person anymore, I have outgrown that phase of my life. Nor am I a go out to clubs type person (though I will go on occasion), they rather frustrate me and paying $15 for a poorly made drink to have a toddler level conversation seems like a bad investment. I am however a push until failure, find your end, rally to the finish type person. In many ways it’s a good thing, because you push hard for what you want, but on the negative side is the cost. What do I give up when I push that hard? What costs are incurred by others because of my drive?
In years passed I put myself second. My opinion was always passive and I was not very communicative; i.e. until I would boil over. It’s true. Recently, I am more open (not completely but working on it) about what I think regardless of how it may be interpreted and I am happier. I feel a sense of self I recall from high school. As I have mentioned before I journal a lot, currently I am a moleskine nerd. However, in HS it was loose leaf paper. I re-read some of the posts regarding running cross country or old girlfriends and I could picture myself writing them. I know that it’s not always greener on the other side. That’s a fact that everyone learns and many times you learn that the hard way. But, the sense of nostalgia this week is giving me fuel for next week. I am planning a 40 mile run, 20 out 20 back half during the day and half at night. Closer to execution I will chat about the plan.