I had my first final exam last night. It was brutal. I feel like I was racing against the clock for a lot of it and it was stressful. It was an open book tests and the books were massive paperweights. There was just so much to cover that opening up a book was a waste of time. I was sort of angry I used the restroom after I completed the first section. We had three hours total for multiple choice and two essays and I did not realize how slow I was on the first part. I am not blaming a few minutes but it just was a shock when I got back to my desk and the more heavily weighted essay had me scrambling. Anyhow, one down two to go.
Last week it really helped to have a few longer runs. I was not really looking for a higher mileage week, but it just sort of happened. Often times I reflect on what actually goes through my mind when I run. I honestly have no idea. But at certain times, before the endorphins kick in, there is a place of peace that shuts out all internal noise. I am not sure what actually happens but I do not feel like another person pounding out the miles. At this moment any and all thoughts from my mind are pushed out and refocused on the task of moving and breathing. I relish the moments where I can be “thoughtless” and not feel bad about it. School and everyday life have been stressful and getting out on the road feels like therapy, the trails feel like vacation. There have been many mental distractions recently that have caused me to lose rest and really make me feel like I am not myself.
I daydream of what it would be like to just fall off the planet a’la Cast Away. I envy the self discovery but could live without the deserted island and the lack of modernity. But the reality is that falling off the planet is just an excuse not to get it done. Considering it more closely its the opposite of what I do when I run. When I run externally I feel like there is no need to run internally, so falling of the planet will have to remain a daydream.