Doubts

Over the last few weeks I have had a lot of doubts; about my running, fitness, diet and even my long term goals. The last two months have given me not only lots of freedom, but also a lot of time to reflect. How far can I go? How much can I learn? What am I really made of? Can I achieve what I think I can? What do I ultimately want?

A few years back I faced very different circumstances. I thought I was ready to get married, have kids and start a family; a few pairs of shoes and a few lbs later that sounds like the worst idea ever. I understand now that although I was “ready” it was not the “ready” I expected for myself. There are certain variables that no one can control, but there are others that with a little planning and some hard work will exponentially better your life.  Among those was my health.  Mentally I was a lifelong athlete, but physically I was an unfit mid 20s former athlete. Today, I am still working on making that mental picture match the physical one. But I cannot help but wonder if this path is “right”.  Does it really matter?

I do not have all the answers but I have never been afraid of seeking them either. My path has led me to this endurance lifestyle. This lifestyle has introduced me to great people and wonderful sources of information. I have read blogs and books on what it takes to really go the distance and achieve. Every account says that it takes heart and mental fortitude to keep going. I think the source of our desire to push to the limit is human curiosity. Curiosity is defined as the “desire to know something” and what better thing to know than the self.

So I will continue to seek the limit and push just that little bit further, not to another limit, but instead to satisfy my curiosity…the desire to know something…something about myself that I did not previously know.

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