I am preparing for the last final of this semester on Monday (Contracts); got a great run in yesterday. I ran 8:14 avg for over nine miles which I had never done before. I have been feeling stronger, but am having a hip movement issue. My leg muscles are just tight and are causing lower back pain. I went to the chiropractor and had the legs stretched out to try and get motion back into the hip. The pain is tolerable, but it does concern me a little because of the heavy miles planned for the break and leading up the the AR50. But all I can think about are the families in Connecticut.
In addition to this blog I write in a Moleskine; been doing it for years. My Moleskines, many of them destroyed, see the inner part of me. They record the part of me that is callous and ruthless but at the same time the part of me that is weak and scared. Most of my private and not as politically correct thoughts go to there rather than this public forum. But, this one is different. I cried today for no reason other than thinking “what if it were my nephews (PEM just started Kindergarten); what if I were a parent?” I consider myself a pretty tough guy, but kids just have a way of getting to you.
They may be rascals and break things and throw tantrums but they are innocent. They have life to look forward too, everything is new. Some angels will not open the presents under the tree this year; taken away because the cowardly acts of a deranged person who did not look for help and thought it best to plague the world with his actions.
I do not think that it is the right time to talk about gun control as many people do. I do not think that it is time to have to politicize this tragedy. It is time to look into ourselves and recognize that things have to change. Aurora, Columbine, Littleton, VA Tech what the heck is going on? How are we failing as a country that individuals think this is the way to respond? Maybe there is no answer. Maybe mental disease is at a place where folks who need help are not getting it.
I do not know what any of us could have done about this tragedy. How can we know if there is danger in our midst? All I can tell you is what I plan to do. I am going to appreciate the relationships I have a and help everyone I can in whatever way I can to be better. I pray the small things I do generate kindness and compassion that will spread across the nation and hopefully kill the seeds of hate and despair before they grow.